No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
