For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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