My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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