meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
