mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
