ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
