I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
