You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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