a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
