so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
