I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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