I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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