You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Fuck appropriateness.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
