Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
