I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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