This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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