You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
