You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize