we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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