a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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