man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
