Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
