Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
