i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.