he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
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Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.