Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
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So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.