dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .