I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?