Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.