my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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