Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
