mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
