Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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