he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
