i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
