today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
