those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
