i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
