Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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