no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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