Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
