the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
