i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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