she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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