I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
