Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just cropdusted the office
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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