Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
