Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
