look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize