I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
