So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
