fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
