i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
