she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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