i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
