I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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