I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
