My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
