So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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