Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
