____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
NoShamevember. You game?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
