btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize