I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
