this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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