im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
